Many of you who have lived in this cruel world for long knew the ultimate destination of this Adventure when it started. Pancreatic cancer is an unforgiving disease.
My CT scan last week revealed what was suspected when I began to have more symptoms during Chemo. The drugs have run their course, they are no longer effective. The scan shows new lesions, some growth in old ones, and in some cases, some shrinkage. The drugs' usual life is six months--I got five. So Dr. Muler has stopped both Gemzar and Zeloda. They are things of my past.
So the options are not great: it is hopeless to continue the original treatment---it is not working and it costs about $30K a month to the Medicare fund! There are a couple other drugs, administered with a pump worn two days in a row. Reportedly the side effects are horrendous and the benefit may be a month more of life. There are the clinical trials--Muler has nothing good to say about them. Says they are mainly for the Researchers, an attempt to see how much of an experimental potion a living person can stand, and with absolutely 99.99% failures rates, true shots in the dark.
The final option is where I am going: no more infusions or Silver Bullets-- I will continue to use blood thinner and monitor my glucose. I have a mild form of Oxycodone for pain. More is promised if I need it. Today, a representative from Hospice comes to explain their services. It will be easier to get emergency services and advice from them than from folks at DRMC.
I want to feel as good as possible for the time I have left. There are many things still to do with the move. Commencement (where there will be a special announcement concerning me), and our golden wedding are dates I want to enjoy. I should continue to be mobile. My main problem is that I am so weak and my abdomen is greatly distended. I am told that it is because the cancer slows down all the major organs. The Meds allow me to get by with that discomfort.
No one knows how much time--do any of us? What ever it is, I will live it day by day, just as I have to now--to the end of the adventure.
Don't grieve for me--instead keep the prayers coming for some good days ahead.
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Hi Poppy. Thanks for the update, I noticed that you haven't blogged in a while. I miss you, I hope to see you soon. I love you, Bear.
ReplyDeleteDick, you are a brave and courageous soul! I, along with your army of other angels here on earth and beyond, will be sending laser beams of prayers to buoy your spirits and bring you good days ahead.
ReplyDeleteLife is an adventure to be enjoyed, not an ordeal to be endured. Continue to Live and Love, my dear friend!
You have all my prayers and very best wishes and hopes, dear mentor and friend. Your glorious spirit endures!
ReplyDeleteFrom my heart to yours and Emily's- measureless love,
jan
Dear Dick, If hugs were healers you and Em both would live forever. We hold you in our hearts always.
ReplyDeleteLove,
ave and cliff
You are on the bridge, crossing to the other side, just ahead of each of us. You are now where each of us will be when it is our time to cross over this particular bridge. You won't be forgotten, and will live on in our hearts and we will see you again, our dear friend, when we finish our journey. Thank you for being so brave to share your thoughts and stories with us. Each of us who reads your words wish you and Emily comfort, peace, and love. See you on the other side.
ReplyDeleteMarion and Bob
These words do not come as a surprise to me. The absence of news made me even more suspicious. I'm so glad you're getting hospice on board right away. By connecting to them ASAP you are assuring more personal service and able to develop a relationship that will help you now and Emily later.
ReplyDeleteI love you and Emily as good friends and sister and brother in Christ. My prayers are lifted for you both as you continue this journey.
Thank you for the many things that you've done for me and the community. You have both touched many lives in such a positive way. The benefits will go on for many years. You will be in our hearts and lives forever and then again . . . later.
Peace, love, joy,
Barb
You have made an impact on my life since my first day at DC many years ago. I'm blessed to have known you as mentor, teacher, advisor, colleague, and friend. My life is richer because of you. Your unselfish dedication to the College and her students, the community, your church, your friends, and your family is a testimony to you that will live on for many, many years.
ReplyDeleteI can't fully express what it has meant to me to share this journey with you; but I thank you for the courage to write about it and share the experience.
I'm saddened that your journey has taken this turn. As Marion so eloquently stated it, we'll each follow you across the bridge and be reunited in due time.
We're praying for you and asking peace, comfort, and joy for you and Emily and your family.
With great affection,
Penny and John
We're praying for you and sending our most uplifting thoughts to you and Emily.
I fear my words will fall short as I try to express my reaction to your latest entry, especially when others speak so eloquently. I think I speak for most when I say that this posting feels like a smack in the head. We all knew what the New Adventure was but you somehow made us forget from time to time, with your writings of food, friends, activities and even the Stroede Family Tree. Then suddenly,we're hit with a hard dose of reality & we remember what brought us here in the first place. You know that we will continue our prayers for good days ahead and anything else that you would ask of us.
ReplyDeleteDeb
Gentle Maestro--Still praying for you and Emily, and, well, what they said . . .
ReplyDeleteJerri
Dick:
ReplyDeleteI have so many fond (and fun) memories of working with you and our "office family"! DC is so blessed that you came here and shared so much of your time and talents with all of us! Many many prayers will continue for you and Emily and Andy and Beth! Here's to GOOD DAYS AHEAD!
The words come hard but not the memories. Thanks for those memories. Memories from the loft, the stage, caroling, Festival Choir, New Years, Madrigal, Messiah, and so much more. Our prayers are with you and Emily and we're ready to "walk with you a bit further."
ReplyDeleteI read this quote this morning: "The feeling remains that God is on the journey, too." ~Teresa of Avila
ReplyDelete