I know many of you were surprised, shocked, upset, and perhaps sad--that I have moved on to Hospice.I am sure you are aware of them even if you have been fortunate enough not to have had their services for a loved one so far. Everyone of these workers/volunteers is a saint. To be able to deal with impending death day after day is certainly a God given talent.
But from a purely service perspective, this is about the best deal going for someone in my position. It had been increasingly difficult for me to get the service I needed from DRMC--as the complications began to rise--since Dr. Muler was around only on Fridays, and the Oncology unit was open 7:30 a.m. to 4 p.m. Monday through Friday. That forced me into the ER several times with issues that really didn't warrant that slow and expensive option.
Now I have an assigned nurse--Jennifer--who will lead me through the maize. She is in direct consultation with Dr. Gaspar, who for a while, is the physician on call. Jennifer will visit me a couple times a week at first, then as needed. If we need a social worker, they are at hand. All my meds have been changed to their control and practically all are paid for by Medicare (even over the counter). They use Okuley' exclusively, so everything is delivered to our door--free. If I have a question or crisis any hour of the day, including weekends, they are a call away. How great is that? One stop shopping.
What they do not provided is daily care--Emily is the designated "primary care person." She has all the assistance she needs available, but Hospice is not the care giver. Already, I have diuretics to try to reduce the enormous swelling in my belly--it has me mostly immobile at the time--and Dr. Muler just smiled when I suggested their use. The drugs came within a few hours of signing all the paper work.
So fret not, Gentle Readers, this is for the good and will be a tremendous help for us in the coming weeks.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Come, Gentle Readers, walk with me a bit further
Many of you who have lived in this cruel world for long knew the ultimate destination of this Adventure when it started. Pancreatic cancer is an unforgiving disease.
My CT scan last week revealed what was suspected when I began to have more symptoms during Chemo. The drugs have run their course, they are no longer effective. The scan shows new lesions, some growth in old ones, and in some cases, some shrinkage. The drugs' usual life is six months--I got five. So Dr. Muler has stopped both Gemzar and Zeloda. They are things of my past.
So the options are not great: it is hopeless to continue the original treatment---it is not working and it costs about $30K a month to the Medicare fund! There are a couple other drugs, administered with a pump worn two days in a row. Reportedly the side effects are horrendous and the benefit may be a month more of life. There are the clinical trials--Muler has nothing good to say about them. Says they are mainly for the Researchers, an attempt to see how much of an experimental potion a living person can stand, and with absolutely 99.99% failures rates, true shots in the dark.
The final option is where I am going: no more infusions or Silver Bullets-- I will continue to use blood thinner and monitor my glucose. I have a mild form of Oxycodone for pain. More is promised if I need it. Today, a representative from Hospice comes to explain their services. It will be easier to get emergency services and advice from them than from folks at DRMC.
I want to feel as good as possible for the time I have left. There are many things still to do with the move. Commencement (where there will be a special announcement concerning me), and our golden wedding are dates I want to enjoy. I should continue to be mobile. My main problem is that I am so weak and my abdomen is greatly distended. I am told that it is because the cancer slows down all the major organs. The Meds allow me to get by with that discomfort.
No one knows how much time--do any of us? What ever it is, I will live it day by day, just as I have to now--to the end of the adventure.
Don't grieve for me--instead keep the prayers coming for some good days ahead.
My CT scan last week revealed what was suspected when I began to have more symptoms during Chemo. The drugs have run their course, they are no longer effective. The scan shows new lesions, some growth in old ones, and in some cases, some shrinkage. The drugs' usual life is six months--I got five. So Dr. Muler has stopped both Gemzar and Zeloda. They are things of my past.
So the options are not great: it is hopeless to continue the original treatment---it is not working and it costs about $30K a month to the Medicare fund! There are a couple other drugs, administered with a pump worn two days in a row. Reportedly the side effects are horrendous and the benefit may be a month more of life. There are the clinical trials--Muler has nothing good to say about them. Says they are mainly for the Researchers, an attempt to see how much of an experimental potion a living person can stand, and with absolutely 99.99% failures rates, true shots in the dark.
The final option is where I am going: no more infusions or Silver Bullets-- I will continue to use blood thinner and monitor my glucose. I have a mild form of Oxycodone for pain. More is promised if I need it. Today, a representative from Hospice comes to explain their services. It will be easier to get emergency services and advice from them than from folks at DRMC.
I want to feel as good as possible for the time I have left. There are many things still to do with the move. Commencement (where there will be a special announcement concerning me), and our golden wedding are dates I want to enjoy. I should continue to be mobile. My main problem is that I am so weak and my abdomen is greatly distended. I am told that it is because the cancer slows down all the major organs. The Meds allow me to get by with that discomfort.
No one knows how much time--do any of us? What ever it is, I will live it day by day, just as I have to now--to the end of the adventure.
Don't grieve for me--instead keep the prayers coming for some good days ahead.
Friday, April 23, 2010
Taking Stock - Family II
So Bertha and August were married in Milwaukee, in 1885. That year their first daughter was born—Theckla. We always called her Tickla. We remember her as the funny one, repeating things, forgetting where she was going. It was called “hardening of the arteries” then. It was surely Alsheimer’s. Two years later, Arthur was born. Two more years, Edwin. Caroline and Martin both transpired in 1890/1891. It appears that Martin and August were both working in the shipping business, as freight haulers in Milwaukee. In 1893, Selma was born to August and Bertha. In 1895, there was either a still born or day-of-birth death, August F.C., according to church records. No one in our family ever mentioned this.
During this time, someone made the decision to get out of Milwaukee (some branches of the Stroede’s were completely wiped out by disease--that would be a great stimulus). The family moved to Dell Prairie Township, Adams County, to a 120 acre farm. Flat, sandy, and not very good farm country. For the next 65 years, my family would pick out a living on these acres.
In 1897, John P. R. Stroede was born, our father. He was born in the same house, same room, same bed, as I and all my siblings. He was called “Johnny Boy,” and was clearly somewhat of a favorite. The last child, Alma Amelia Augusta, was born in 1899. She was virtually the same age as our Mother, and they were hard fast friends—more like sisters—until the day Mother died.
As I said above, Bertha died shortly after the 50th anniversary, but August lived on to 1943, becoming naturalized late in his life. Though I was four at the time, I have absolutely no recollection of the man.
All the family, with the exception of Alma who moved back to Milwaukee with August and Bertha about a year after my parents were married, found spouses in the Adams County area.
Theckla married a Wreszinski—several families lived at adjoining farms—they soon moved back to Milwaukee and had Ruth and Marie. Marie was the millionairess (married into it) and died only recently in her 90s. This marriage resulted in Uncle August (to the girls ) becoming my step-father much later, when our Mother remarried late in life.
Arthur lived a very short life, marrying in the Dells. One of his sons was briefly a gym teacher and coach in the Dells when Emily and I were in high school and later became an administrator at the Baraboo UW branch. Though that cousin is gone now, another, Roger lives in Arizona. I never knew Arthur.
Edwin was in WWI, apparently as a glider pilot, was “shell-shocked” and spent the rest of his life in a military hospital. I only saw him a couple of times. His wife, Aunt Laura, became Emily’s step-mother not long after Edwin and Laura divorced—well, look, folks, it is a small town. Ed'sdescendents all live in the Dells and many were house painters.
Selma married Roland LeMar and lived in the Dells/Baraboo area her whole life. One of her children still lives there and is very interested in this genealogy. I remember visiting the LeMar's, usually when Alma came to visit my folks.
During this time, someone made the decision to get out of Milwaukee (some branches of the Stroede’s were completely wiped out by disease--that would be a great stimulus). The family moved to Dell Prairie Township, Adams County, to a 120 acre farm. Flat, sandy, and not very good farm country. For the next 65 years, my family would pick out a living on these acres.
In 1897, John P. R. Stroede was born, our father. He was born in the same house, same room, same bed, as I and all my siblings. He was called “Johnny Boy,” and was clearly somewhat of a favorite. The last child, Alma Amelia Augusta, was born in 1899. She was virtually the same age as our Mother, and they were hard fast friends—more like sisters—until the day Mother died.
As I said above, Bertha died shortly after the 50th anniversary, but August lived on to 1943, becoming naturalized late in his life. Though I was four at the time, I have absolutely no recollection of the man.
All the family, with the exception of Alma who moved back to Milwaukee with August and Bertha about a year after my parents were married, found spouses in the Adams County area.
Theckla married a Wreszinski—several families lived at adjoining farms—they soon moved back to Milwaukee and had Ruth and Marie. Marie was the millionairess (married into it) and died only recently in her 90s. This marriage resulted in Uncle August (to the girls ) becoming my step-father much later, when our Mother remarried late in life.
Arthur lived a very short life, marrying in the Dells. One of his sons was briefly a gym teacher and coach in the Dells when Emily and I were in high school and later became an administrator at the Baraboo UW branch. Though that cousin is gone now, another, Roger lives in Arizona. I never knew Arthur.
Edwin was in WWI, apparently as a glider pilot, was “shell-shocked” and spent the rest of his life in a military hospital. I only saw him a couple of times. His wife, Aunt Laura, became Emily’s step-mother not long after Edwin and Laura divorced—well, look, folks, it is a small town. Ed'sdescendents all live in the Dells and many were house painters.
Selma married Roland LeMar and lived in the Dells/Baraboo area her whole life. One of her children still lives there and is very interested in this genealogy. I remember visiting the LeMar's, usually when Alma came to visit my folks.
Alma moved back to Milwaukee with her parents, ultimately taking care of them in their declining years—and lovingly tending their graves at Valhalla Cemetery on the far northwest side of the city. She married Richard Hirth, who died of a heart attack way too early. They were my God Parents, Dick was my name sake. I—and everyone else in the family—adored Aunt Alma. I remember waiting at the road, down our very long lane, for hours, to see her Ford coupe arrive. Nothing I remember was more anxiously awaited than her visits. And she and our Mother had great times together as well. She was gracious, classy, fun-loving, and made a great Beefeaters martini. Old fashioned were the alternate beverage. I can remember every detail of her apartment at 2525 W. Capitol Drive—where I went a few times, with Dad, Mother, and once alone. Late in life, she was about the only one in the family who followed my career and understood what I did. She gave me her set of crystal goblets/wines and for many years we have used them for our family gatherings and toasted, “Here’s to Aunt Alma.” I miss her more than anyone.
Oh, yeh, the picture. Genealogy is so darned paternalistic. Here is the other side. This is my favorite picture gleaned from the sorting of a large collection passed on from sister Bette. Five generations of mothers—a long line of “blue-bellied Yankees,” as Mother always said. My nephew, David (now deceased) did extensive work on this line and easily tracked them to the 1700s. That is the advantage of English parenthood. German is tough because of the loss of church and civil records through the world wars and shifting borders.
Our Mother is on the upper right—son Andrew observed, “your Mother was hot!” The blush of youth—she was only about 17 or 18 in this picture. Grandmother Schultz is on the upper left. Her maiden name was Newell and her mother is holding infant Helen, my sister who died when I was an infant myself. The old woman, my great-great grandmother, was around 100 years of age . Grandmother Schultz, of whom I have pleasant memories of her sugar cookies and ever present apron, was also Mary but known to all as May.
Monday, April 19, 2010
Quick and late update
Because I was exhausted all last week, and feeling really punk, I went in to see Dr. Muler on Friday. He has pulled me off the week three infusion/oral for now. Today I had the CT scan that was originally scheduled for next week. I will see the Doc again this Friday to look at the results and reevaluate my treatment schedule. If you know the routine with this type of treatment, it is common for Chemo to become less effective over time--it has been five months for me. Will let you know the results as they are available.
We hope to see the Kahle modelers this week. The painting and all the other little changes are complete now. Only the bathrooms and carpet remain. We have scheduled the big "Guy Tool Sale" for May 1. We would hope to move into the Condo early in May so that we can finish disposing of the "stuff" in 742 well in advance of the June 1 possession date.
We hope to see the Kahle modelers this week. The painting and all the other little changes are complete now. Only the bathrooms and carpet remain. We have scheduled the big "Guy Tool Sale" for May 1. We would hope to move into the Condo early in May so that we can finish disposing of the "stuff" in 742 well in advance of the June 1 possession date.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Taking Stock - Family I
Guess no one every doubted that I came from old German stock. Enough folks have struggled with my name to prove that at least. Here is a pic of some very grim looking grandparents. Grandpa and Grandma Stroede—August and Bertha. I never knew them. The photo is their Golden Wedding portrait—and I was not born yet. As a matter of fact, my brother Ernest (four years older) was eminent and our mother couldn’t make it to the celebration held in Milwaukee. Reportedly, August called Ern “the nuisance” for a while for messing up the party. Probably Mother didn’t really feel badly about missing because she didn’t really like the folks anyway. Seems that for the year or so that the old folks and my parents lived together in the Adams County house, a lot of the conversation was in German—of which my Mother understood not a word.My forebears came from Pomerania, that flat country—farm land—at the north of Germany that slipped from Germany to Russia and to Poland (which it is currently a part of). The church district was Kris Cammin and the Cathedral still stands though now it is Catholic and any old vestiges of Evangelical Lutheran have been wiped clean. There are public records of a Jacob Strode as a tax paying land owner in Trisbow as early as 1717. A few miles away, in Schwenz, both Martin Ferdinand Stroede and Caroline Gertrude Steffen were born. They became my great grandparents. In 1882, they arrived in the port of Philadelphia, traveling with their son August, a teenager. They quickly found their way to Milwaukee, where there was a huge population of folks from Pomerania. There are records of other Stroede’s there as early as 1841. At the same time, there was a struggling early Evangelical Lutheran movement that resulted in at least three congregations in the north side of Milwaukee (this was the large German part of the town, today it is completely African-American.) The churches have merged over the years and are now Missouri Synod.
As Andy and I worked on this genealogy, we were not even aware of the Great Grandparents. No one in my family ever mentioned them. They were elderly when they emigrated and lived short lives, but they are there, buried in Union Cemetery which all the Ev. Lutheran churches shared. Their graves are lost as they are in the earliest section of the cemetery where no stones exist—apparently most were surface and have been covered by sod. There are many more Stroede’s in the large cemetery, most we can not identify as relatives—yet.
For a couple of years before finding church records from Milwaukee, Andy and I struggled to discover where August was born. He was naturalized near the end of his life and listed his place of birth as Halnor, Russia. No one ever heard of the place. Turns out it is Hellenurme, Estonia. So maybe I am not German. Seems that there was a lot of Germans from the low area who moved north and that they became the middle class merchants of the area. Need to make a trip there—don’t think I will make it. We also discovered that August had two sisters and two brothers—but no names were identified. We are aware of many possible folks who actually lived with or near August in Milwaukee in those early years. Unsolved, but I would guess there are a lot of cousins in Wisconsin of which we are not aware.
One other mystery was solved in our work. The family legend had it that August and Bertha met on the ship emigrating and fell in love. Actually, Bertha Woldt was born in Tribsow (this is where the church was—and is—located that the Stroede’s would have attended) and did not emigrate until a couple of years later. They clearly were acquainted, because they married almost immediately (1885) and started producing offspring.
What did I get from all this heritage? Look at the picture again. I am always accused of slow to smile. Have that square-set jaw as well. I seem to have been born 30, never really had a wild and crazy time—no wild oats. Father at 22, college teacher at 24. Saw my duty, stuck to it, life is serious business you know.
EXCLUSIVE X 4
So more good news, we went out to Kitchen Center to visit Dick Kahle--to beg, plead, threaten, whatever. I said, "how's it going on our project?" He said, "we start Tuesday." Awesome.
I have an appointment tomorrow with my Oncologist. I am starting to have some pain, need to have it checked out.
I have an appointment tomorrow with my Oncologist. I am starting to have some pain, need to have it checked out.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
EXCLUSIVE EXCLUSIVE EXCLUSIVE
More good news. We waited, rather impatiently, for 2 and 1/2 hours for the buyers to complete an inspection--they choose to use a contractor family friend--top to bottom. After a white knuckle night, we heard today that they have signed off with no additional work, accepting the purchase as is. That ends several years of fretting about some of the problems with the old place. We are very pleased.
Closing is May 21, possession is 14 days after that. If we can get the bathrooms done (they haven't started yet), we will likely be in the condo before that. We are going to tell Kahle's that we are going to go ahead and change the carpets before they start and that they will have to try their very best to avoid damage. That will allow us to start getting some things over there to make decisions about what goes/what stays.
Week two is a little better--no Zeloda--but I still get completely exhausted in a couple hours of being up and around. Trying to trim down the list of things to do in the condo. At least we are now done with trying to keep 742 spotless. Wanted to go to band tonight, but didn't have the strength. Looks like I am pretty well done with that.
Closing is May 21, possession is 14 days after that. If we can get the bathrooms done (they haven't started yet), we will likely be in the condo before that. We are going to tell Kahle's that we are going to go ahead and change the carpets before they start and that they will have to try their very best to avoid damage. That will allow us to start getting some things over there to make decisions about what goes/what stays.
Week two is a little better--no Zeloda--but I still get completely exhausted in a couple hours of being up and around. Trying to trim down the list of things to do in the condo. At least we are now done with trying to keep 742 spotless. Wanted to go to band tonight, but didn't have the strength. Looks like I am pretty well done with that.
Friday, April 9, 2010
EXCLUSIVE EXCLUSIVE
Well, the first couple that went through our home at 742 Corwin made an offer--full asking price! We approved the offer today but asked to extend the time to closing and possession by several days. While we are delighted that someone wants our lovely home that much, we are concerned about getting everything ready at the condo. We are hoping to have until June 1. While all the arrangements seem in place, we do have to undergo an inspection. We have always been uncomfortable with the thought--the house is 65 years old and nearly all the maintenance over the past 40 years has been done by me. So wish us luck with this.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Quick Update
So in Series V, the first week has been a challenge. On Monday evening, after my 2 p.m. infusion, I had some quick-onset, abdominal pain. Lasted about an hour. It was intense enough to send us to the ER for a check. The Doc more or less said, "well, you certainly have the potential for pain there, suck it up." So after it went away, he sent me on my way. Tuesday I was pretty well, worked in the condo on walls and electrical. Wednesday, as has happened several times before, I was flat on my back. Extreme fatigue and little interest in even being up. Had a couple of long naps. Today I am better, but my energy is good for about an hour, then I need to sit.
In the meantime, the house has been listed, the sign is up (gulp), and we have two showings yet today and an open house on Sunday afternoon. Good to have the early interest, but we still worry about getting the condo ready (the bathrooms continue to be the problem) if we sell early. Progress at the condo is good: electrical is done, den is painted, wall repair is nearly done, paint decisions have been made for the bedroom and kitchen. All thanks to our dear friends.
In the meantime, the house has been listed, the sign is up (gulp), and we have two showings yet today and an open house on Sunday afternoon. Good to have the early interest, but we still worry about getting the condo ready (the bathrooms continue to be the problem) if we sell early. Progress at the condo is good: electrical is done, den is painted, wall repair is nearly done, paint decisions have been made for the bedroom and kitchen. All thanks to our dear friends.
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Big Things Happened
In addition to Easter, this was a great weekend for progress. Andy and Wally, Bob and Marion, and we of course--attacked the garage. With everything out on the driveway, four passersby stopped to see if we were having a garage sale. Defiance loves their garage sales. We said, "not yet, but watch the ads!" I am planning a "guys only tool sale" in a few weeks--once I am sure we don't have projects requiring the stuff. Women will absolutely not be allowed and Marion says she will dress up as the "tool time lady" to take the money. That would be something.
So, the garage is done, all patched and freshly painted. It took us two days to get the job done. It has never looked as good as it does at this moment. Far cry from when it used to be filled to the brim with pianos in various states of disrepair.
We had some wonderful lunches and dinners with everyone, courtesy of Beth who sent a complete lasagna meal, and the church that sent left over beef stew. Lunches on the deck, what a great setting.
You should have seen all of us sitting in the garage on lawn chairs and on ladders Friday evening, enjoying the gorgeous weather and the smell of fresh paint. Felt like a square dance to me--or folks in the holler.
Saturday, the activity moved to the condo. I had tried to get an electrician there to move a couple of ceiling boxes and get power to the bedroom fan without surface molding. They didn't seem too interested for these little pesky jobs. So it took a whole morning to get a wire from the wall outlet to the ceiling fan--finally had to buy a wire snake to get it done. Now we can have a ceiling light that can be turned on at the door, and a remote controlled fan. Nice. The ceiling box moves were in the kitchen/breakfast area and took the rest of the day. Had to make a spot for Emily's tulip pendant over the table, and a spot for the wildest little chandelier in the kitchen--wait until you see it. Funky.
I was strong enough to help a good deal, but completely exhausted after the experience. I did not recover much taste this week, which was discouraging. But my energy was certainly a bit higher and I enjoyed working with the "guys." They enjoyed it too, some time away from the office is always welcome. So with a couple more patches on walls and ceilings, the bedroom and kitchen are ready for the painters. Good progress.
Gemzar and Zeloda tomorrow. Joy.
So, the garage is done, all patched and freshly painted. It took us two days to get the job done. It has never looked as good as it does at this moment. Far cry from when it used to be filled to the brim with pianos in various states of disrepair.
We had some wonderful lunches and dinners with everyone, courtesy of Beth who sent a complete lasagna meal, and the church that sent left over beef stew. Lunches on the deck, what a great setting.
You should have seen all of us sitting in the garage on lawn chairs and on ladders Friday evening, enjoying the gorgeous weather and the smell of fresh paint. Felt like a square dance to me--or folks in the holler.
Saturday, the activity moved to the condo. I had tried to get an electrician there to move a couple of ceiling boxes and get power to the bedroom fan without surface molding. They didn't seem too interested for these little pesky jobs. So it took a whole morning to get a wire from the wall outlet to the ceiling fan--finally had to buy a wire snake to get it done. Now we can have a ceiling light that can be turned on at the door, and a remote controlled fan. Nice. The ceiling box moves were in the kitchen/breakfast area and took the rest of the day. Had to make a spot for Emily's tulip pendant over the table, and a spot for the wildest little chandelier in the kitchen--wait until you see it. Funky.
I was strong enough to help a good deal, but completely exhausted after the experience. I did not recover much taste this week, which was discouraging. But my energy was certainly a bit higher and I enjoyed working with the "guys." They enjoyed it too, some time away from the office is always welcome. So with a couple more patches on walls and ceilings, the bedroom and kitchen are ready for the painters. Good progress.
Gemzar and Zeloda tomorrow. Joy.
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